Wondering how to get started enjoying your single life after a divorce? It's totally normal to be a bit nervous about getting back out there, but there are so many opportunities waiting for you, and so many ways to live a surprising, active, and fun life as a single person. We’ll help you get started on embracing these opportunities with our guide on how to enjoy being single after a divorce.
This article is based on an interview with our professional matchmaker, dating coach and relationship expert, Cristina Morara, founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking.
[Edit]Steps
[Edit]Take time to heal.
- Becoming single is a big change, so take time to acclimatize. Focus on taking care of your daily needs—eating, sleeping, and staying active. Although your emotions might be rocky for some time afterward, remember that you’ll gradually get used to your new life with time. Have faith in your own emotional strength and resilience.[1]
[Edit]Shift your mindset.
- Life is an adventure, and there are endless possibilities for you. Whenever you feel down about being single, tell yourself the truth either in your head or out loud: being single is an opportunity to open yourself up to new things. Focus on the positives of being single—you might even want to make a list—and you can put yourself in the frame of mind to enjoy this chapter of your life.[2]
- For example, you might write down in a journal that being single gives you a chance to focus on your own desires, not your spouse’s.
- Happiness has a lot to do with your mindset. If you can remind yourself of the benefits of being single, you’re on the right track to enjoying this stage of your life.
[Edit]Plan out the life that you want.
- Design this new chapter of your life to prioritize your happiness. Think about this new chapter of your life as a project that you can design any way you want, and plan out your goals in writing. It’s exciting to do this: you’re the director of your life, and you get to decide how the show goes. Now that you’re single, there’s absolutely nothing holding you back from achieving goals that you might have kept on the back burner during your marriage.[3]
- For example, you might find that being single gives you more time to focus on your career. Or, you might find that your divorce has made you realize that you’d rather spend less time on work and more time getting involved with your community. This choice, or imagining another one entirely, is completely up to you.
[Edit]Pick up a new hobby.
- A creative activity can bring a lot of meaning to your life. If you’ve ever wanted to try painting, grow a garden, or get started on your long-awaited novel, now is the time. You might be able to surprise yourself with how creative you can be, and find joy by making things that produce it.
- If you need to give yourself a little push, joining a class to learn a new hobby is a great start. Check out any cooking or art classes in your area, or join a writing group.[4]
[Edit]Reconnect with your surroundings.
- The place where you live is full of opportunities for happiness. While our phones and screens can often end up making us feel pretty isolated, observing your neighborhood and the natural world can give you a feeling of connection. Smile and say hello to everyone, take walks in the woods or in a park, and find joy in the real world, not the virtual one.[5]
- When you’re out there exploring the world, you might run into the chance to spark a new romantic connection. There’s no need to push yourself into this if you’re not ready—being single might just be too good to give up—but keep an open mind, and see where life takes you.
[Edit]Say yes to every invitation.
- Every opportunity is a chance to squeeze more out of life. Isolation can feel pretty tempting after a divorce, but don’t fall for this trap. If a friend or even an acquaintance invites you out somewhere, give it a try—the worst thing that can happen is a boring night. Keeping yourself active and social is an important part of enjoying your life when single.[6]
- There are some exceptions here. If someone is making you feel unsafe, trust your gut and consider refusing their invitation to hang out.
- Saying yes to every invitation doesn’t mean that you have to avoid being home. Although some people find it hard to be at home alone after a divorce, finding activities that you enjoy—like reading, taking care of tasks around the house, or even watching movies—can keep your home feeling like a safe space.
[Edit]Join clubs and groups.
- Group activities are fun ways to meet new people. Whether you’re interested in joining a book club to keep your mind active, a sports league to stay fit, or a professional networking group to make new career connections, there’s a group of people out there waiting for you.[7]
- If your town has a local community center, this can be a great way to find local clubs or groups. You can also use a website like Meetup.com, where clubs look for members or even make your own and invite some friends.
[Edit]Lean on your support system.
- Your friends and family are sources of meaningful connection. The more time and effort that you pour into these relationships, the more they can prosper and meet your emotional needs. Pick up the phone and give your friends and family a call, invite them over for a meal or coffee, or plan a trip with them.[8]
- Many people feel anxious after divorce when they think about getting older without their partner. But by having a good support system of friends and family, you can keep loneliness at bay—many single people are able to live lives that have even greater foundations of emotional support by doing this.
[Edit]Throw dinner parties.
- Keep your evenings fun with regular dinner parties. Invite your friends, and tell them to bring their friends—growing your social circle and playing the part of a good host can give your new life as a single person a sense of excitement. Spend the afternoon putting together the perfect menu, or if you’d rather spend your time doing something else, get some food catered or organize a pot-luck.[9]
- Plenty of people throw themselves divorce parties to celebrate the start of a new chapter. This can be a great idea if your divorce is still pretty recent, but no issue if you want to throw yourself a belated one.
[Edit]Travel by yourself.
- Discover yourself by exploring a new place on your own. We’re rarely as in touch with who we are or what we want than when we put ourselves into unfamiliar environments. It can feel a little intimidating to fly off to a foreign country all by yourself, or even just drive to the next state over, but remember that the whole world is yours to explore.[10]
[Edit]Approach new connections with an open mind.
- Meeting new people without expectations can bring a lot of joy. If you’d like to casually date, that choice is yours to make—being single can be really liberating, and there’s no need to immediately find a new relationship. Your divorce gives you the chance to ask yourself if you want a new partner sometime soon, and think about what kind of person they should be.[11]
- If you don’t want to date, that’s also a good decision. Focus on meeting new people without any romantic expectations, and see where it leads you.
[Edit]Talk to a therapist if you're struggling.
- Therapists are skilled at dealing with the fallout from divorce. Don’t feel embarrassed or hesitant to reach out to a mental health professional—there’s no stigma in talking to someone who has helped people going through the same situation, just wisdom. A therapist can give you a space to talk about your feelings and anxieties, and can offer you suggestions to help you get more enjoyment out of your life.[12]
- Divorce support groups are another option to connect with others while processing your feelings. Try to find one in your area if you think this is something you could use.
[Edit]References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/better-divorce/202104/how-heal-divorce
- ↑ [v161578_b01]. 14 October 2020.
- ↑ [v161578_b01]. 14 October 2020.
- ↑ [v161578_b01]. 14 October 2020.
- ↑ [v161578_b01]. 14 October 2020.
- ↑ [v161578_b01]. 14 October 2020.
- ↑ [v161578_b01]. 14 October 2020.
- ↑ [v161578_b01]. 14 October 2020.
- ↑ https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a32710347/divorce-party-ideas/
- ↑ [v161578_b01]. 14 October 2020.
- ↑ https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a26537409/dating-after-divorce-tips/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/better-divorce/202104/how-heal-divorce
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