How to Do Something Your Don Know: How to Find Happiness As an Introvert

Introverts are typically misunderstood and are mistaken as anti-social people who don’t enjoy spending time with others. As a result, they can feel scrutiny that can affect their happiness. But introverts are just as valuable and exceptional as extroverts. You can achieve happiness by accepting and appreciating your personality, explaining your preferences, and putting yourself out there.

EditSteps

EditAccepting Yourself and Your Personality

Realize the only acceptance you need is from yourself. You weren’t put on this planet to gain approval. You are unique and valuable just the way you are. If you want to become more social, do it because you want to, and not because anyone else thinks you should.
- For example, when you want advice, look to the best person who can tell you what you should do, and that person is you. You know yourself better than anyone else and understand what you are comfortable with. When you learn to start trusting your own advice, you’ll likely find that you won’t feel the need to ask others anymore.^[1]
Avoid trying to be someone you’re not. When you begrudgingly try to behave in a manner that is out of your comfort zone, you’re likely going to regret what happens. You may end up engaging in something that is against your values. Instead of enjoying yourself and growing from the experience, you may be disappointed in yourself.
- If your friends try to pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with, simply tell them “no.” For instance, you could say “I appreciate that you want me to have fun, but this isn’t something I enjoy. I’m going to pass on this and I need you to accept and understand that.”
- If they won’t stop pressing the issue, remove yourself from the situation.^[2]
- If you're experimenting with new activities, or if you're unsure if something is in line with your values, take the time to reflect on how you feel afterwards. Check in with yourself — you might find you enjoyed something unexpectedly, or you may decide that particular activity is not for you.
- If you're trying to figure out who you are, try journaling, which can help you get to know yourself and your values, which will help you make decisions in the future.
Focus on what you love about yourself. Introverts may not be good at spending long amounts of time at busy parties, but they are excellent at many other things. Instead of focusing on what you don’t think you’re good at, or what makes you feel uncomfortable, take time to embrace what you excel at.
- For instance, introverts are usually excellent listeners and are pros at sympathizing with others. They are also typically self-sufficient, highly focused, and have the ability to create meaningful and deep relationships.^[3]
Take breaks when you need to, and don’t apologize for it. Being around lots of people can make an introvert feel depleted. You may need to use alone time to recharge. When you’re feeling tapped out, take some time for yourself so that you can be the best person you can.
- If you have to cancel an outing with your friends because you just aren’t up to it, be honest. Tell them, “I’m sorry I can’t join you today, but I’m feeling drained and need to spend time recharging. I would love to hang out with you another day.”
- If they don’t understand, there’s nothing you can do. Doing something you don’t feel comfortable with will only cause problems for you, and it’s just not worth it.^[4]
- It may be helpful to look at your schedule and and set aside designated "alone time" each day or week. Try to plan these so that they follow activities you expect to be draining, such as after a party.

EditCommunicating Your Differences

Tell people that introverts are not anti-social. Introverts usually get a bad rap when it comes to interacting with others. People often assume that just because introverts get their energy from spending time alone, that they don’t enjoy interacting with others. However, that is simply not the case.
- Being an introvert doesn't mean you are shy, either — these are two different things. An introvert is not necessarily quiet or suffering from social anxiety. Introverts can be bubbly and animated. What makes them introverted is that they need plenty of quiet, alone time to feel good.
- When someone calls you anti-social, respond with “I enjoy spending time with people. But I get overwhelmed with large groups or when I’m around others for long periods of time. After I get some time to myself, I’m ready to hang out again.”^[5]
Prepare what you’re going to say ahead of time. A key characteristic of introverts is that they need time to think. You may do better when you are able to take time and plan out what you are going to do or say. If you know you’re going to meet resistance about a topic with someone, think of your response ahead of time so that you are prepared. Then, you can speak clearly when getting your point across.
- For example, if you know you’re going to be confronted about an ultimatum you’ve been given, you could say, “I have put a lot of thought into my decision, and am still working on it. You’re going to have to give me time. I promise I haven’t forgotten about it and will let you know as soon as I decide.”^[6]
- Or, if someone unexpectedly springs something on you, you may want to ask for some time to think. You might say, "You've given me a lot to think about, and I'd like to process it for a while and get back to you."
Explain that you do like to talk and interact with others. Introverts are sometimes quiet, and some may misinterpret that their silence is because they have nothing to say. On the contrary, introverts are funny, witty, smart, and often have a lot to talk about. The only difference is, they usually only speak when they have something important to discuss. Introverts may not engage in meaningless small talk.
- Engaging in active listening can help with this. If you are smiling, nodding, and acting warmly, you can avoid appearing standoffish.
- If someone attempts to make a wisecrack about your silence, you can strike back with this funny, yet to the point remark: “Oh, I like to talk. But I only talk when I can improve the silence, unlike some people.”^[7]

EditPutting Yourself Out There

Talk to a stranger. Strike up a conversation with someone you wouldn’t normally talk to. If you’re typically shy, taking this big step can not only give you confidence, but could help you gain a new friend. A perfect situation for this opportunity is when you’re standing in line, sitting in the waiting room, or taking a ride on a train or bus.
- Before you speak, realize that they are just another person, just like you. They are no better than you are and would probably like to speak with you. Stick to neutral topics like the weather, or whatever is going on around you.
- For instance, while you’re waiting for your cup of Joe, you could say, “Wow, this line is really long. People must really need their coffee today.”^[8]
- If you find yourself in a longer conversation with a stranger and you're not sure what to say, just start asking the person general questions about themselves. Most people enjoy talking about themselves, as long as it's not too personal. Ask about their career, hobbies, if they're from the area, and so on. You might say something like, "Do you work near here?"
Join a small group or club. If you want to make friends or learn how to become more comfortable socializing, consider joining a group or club of only a few people. Choose something that interests you, like books or sports, and look for a group that is based on this subject.
- Talking about something you know and like can give you the confidence you need to put yourself out there and find others who enjoy the same things you do.
- To avoid putting yourself in a situation you don’t like, tailor your group experience to fit your needs. For instance, bring a friend, get there right as the meeting starts if you want to avoid small talk, and hang out together afterwards.^[9]
Showcase your skills. Introverts are usually some pretty talented people. If you want to work on putting yourself out there, put some of your skills on display. The positive reaction you’re likely to receive can offer you encouragement that may make you feel more comfortable with showing others just how valuable you are.
- For instance, you could join a local art show, poetry reading, or singing event, like karaoke. Allowing others to see your skills is a good way to network and find others who enjoy the same interests you do.^[10]
Suggest a solution for a problem. Standing out at work can be difficult for an introvert. You likely don’t want to make a name for yourself as the most outgoing employee, but you can stand out by fixing problems.
- Use your knack for thinking and come up with a solution to a problem that your boss or other employees have talked about. Doing so can give you the recognition you deserve, in a way that you feel comfortable with.
- If speaking up during a meeting isn’t your style, talk to your boss one-on-one afterwards, or send an email about your proposal. You could say, “I’ve been thinking about that problem you brought up during our last meeting, and I think I have a solution to it.”^[11]
- Consider reading books that directly discuss being a businessperson and an introvert. These books will help you build your network, business, and clientele.