How to Deal With Emotionally Abusive Parents

Not all abuse results in bumps and bruises. Verbal abuse is much more common than physical abuse, but it can also scar you just as much, if not worse, than physical abuse. Emotional abuse can have long-term negative effects on your social, emotional, and physical health and development. If your parents emotionally abuse you, the most effective thing you can do is set boundaries for yourself and maintain distance, if possible. It can also help to confide in others about the difficult situation you are in. Learning stress management skills and building up your self-esteem can also help you cope both immediately and in the long run.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Identifying Emotional Abuse

1. Learn how recognizing abuse can help you. When your parents are emotionally abusing you, it can be hard to separate the feelings that the abuse causes from the abuse itself. For example, if you don’t realize your parents are abusing you, you may start to feel bad about yourself because you’re taking their abusive words or actions to heart.^[1] Remind yourself that once you learn to identify abusive behaviors, you can start to:
   
   • Recognize that what is happening is not your fault.
   • Put more appropriate emotional distance between yourself and your abusive parents.
   • Take control of your own reactions to the situation.
   • Understand why your parents behave the way they do and recognize that this behavior comes from them, not from you.
   • Get the help that you need to cope with the abuse and start to feel better.
2. Notice your parent humiliating you or putting you down. The abuser might try to pass it off as a joke, but this type of abuse is no laughing matter. If your parent frequently makes fun of you, belittles you in front of other people, or dismisses your ideas or concerns, you are in an emotionally abusive situation. There is a thin line between discipline, teasing and abuse.^[2]
   
   • For example, if your dad says, "You're such a loser. I swear, you can't do anything right," this is verbal abuse.
   • Your parent may do this in isolation or in front of others, causing you to feel bad about yourself.
3. Determine whether you often feel controlled by your parent. If your parent tries to control every little thing you do, gets angry when you make your own decisions, or dismisses your abilities and autonomy, then you may be in an abusive situation.^[3]
   
   • People who engage in this type of abuse often treat their victims like inferiors who are incapable of making good choices or taking responsibility for themselves.
   • Your parent may try to make decisions for you. For instance, your mom might visit your high school and ask your guidance counselor about a college you didn't want to apply to.
   • Your parent may feel strongly that they are just "parenting," but this is abusive.
4. Ask yourself if your parents accuse you or blame you for things often. Some abusers have unrealistically high expectations of their victims, but refuse to admit any wrongdoing themselves. People who engage in this kind of abuse may find ways to blame you for anything and everything, even things no reasonable person would criticize you for. They may tell you that you’re the cause of their problems so they can avoid taking responsibility for themselves and their feelings. They also hold you personally responsible for their emotions.^[4]
   
   • For instance, if your mother blames you for being born because she had to abandon her singing career, she is blaming you for something that wasn't your fault.
   • If your parents say their marriage fell apart "because of the kids," that's blaming you for their inability to cope.
   • Blaming someone for things they didn't do is an abusive technique.
5. Consider whether you frequently get the silent treatment. Parents who pull away from their children and don’t provide them with the emotional closeness they need are engaging in a form of child abuse.^[5]
   
   • Does your parent ignore you when you’ve done something to upset them, show little interest in your activities and emotions, or try to play it off as your fault when they distance themselves from you?
   • Love and affection aren't things you should have to bargain for. This is abusive.
6. Think about whether your parent seems to have your best interests at heart. Some parents, especially those with egocentric tendencies, may see you as only an extension of themselves. It’s impossible for parents like this to want what is best for you, even if they themselves believe they have your best interests at heart.
   
   • Some signs of egocentric parenting include disrespecting your boundaries, trying to manipulate you into doing what they believe is “best,” and getting upset when you don’t live up to their unrealistic expectations for you.^[6]
   • They are also often very uncomfortable with you having attention and will try to make everything about themselves.
   • For example, your single parent may guilt-trip you by saying, "Well, I know you had a party to go to with your friends, but I'm so lonely here. You are always leaving me." This guilt-trip is a form of abuse.
7. Recognize normal parenting behavior. Kids and teens make mistakes sometimes; it's a part of growing up and being human. During times when you need guidance, support, or discipline, it's your parent's job to step in. It's important to be able to distinguish between natural disciplining and abusive behavior.
   
   • In general, you can tell whether a parenting style is disciplining versus abuse from the level of anger exhibited by your parent. It's common for your parent to get angry or frustrated in the moment when you do something that breaks the rules.
   • However, when anger is driving the behavior or punishment, your parent is in the danger zone of abuse. Abuse involves words or actions that are done recklessly, knowingly, and with the intent to harm.^[7]
   • Although you may not like strict disciplining, understand that parents enforce guidelines and set consequences to protect you and steer you towards positive development.
   • Don't use profanity. Even if your parents use cuss words at you, it's best to not copy it.
   • You can try taking a look at some of your peers who have good relationships with their parents. What are those relationships like? What kind of support and discipline do they receive from their parents?
8. Know the risk factors for abuse. Emotional abuse can occur in any family. However, there are a few factors that increase the risk of emotional or physical child abuse. You may be at greater risk of being abused if your parents abuse alcohol or drugs, have untreated mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder or depression, or were abused as children themselves.^[8]
   
   • Many abusive parents don’t even realize their actions are hurtful. They may not know a better style of parenting, or they may not realize that taking out their emotions on their child is abusive.
   • Even if your parent has good intentions, they can still be abusive.

[Edit]Seeking Help

1. Share your experiences with friends and loved ones. It can be comforting to have someone to lean on during an abusive situation. Confide in your loved one and ask them for support. They may offer positive words, validate your feelings, or have advice for you.^[9]
   
   • For instance, you might say, "I know this may come as a shock to you, but my home life is pretty bad. My mom talks down to me and tells me I won't be anything when I'm older. It's mainly words, but it makes me feel bad about myself."
   • Keep in mind that emotional abuse often involves people brainwashing you into believing that no one will care, believe you, or take you seriously. However, you will likely be surprised by how much support you receive when you share with other people.
2. Confide in a trusted adult. If you’re a kid dealing with any kind of abuse at home, turn to a relative, teacher, church leader, or another adult you trust. Don’t let your abusive parent intimidate you into keeping secrets. An adult can help intervene in a situation where a kid might not have any power.^[10]
   
   • You might feel awkward or embarrassed about telling an adult what’s going on, but it’s very important to let other people know if you’re being abused. Start by saying something like, “I’ve been having some problems at home lately. Can I talk to you about it?” Or, you could write about how you are feeling and give them a note if that feels more comfortable to you.
   • If you told a teacher or a coach and they did not help, schedule a meeting with your school counselor (if your school has one) and alert this person.^[11]
   • If you don’t want to tell someone about the abuse in person, you can call a help line at 1-800-4-A-CHILD. This help line is free, confidential, and open 24 hours a day.
3. Seek mental health treatment. Emotional abuse can do a lot of damage. Without treatment, you are at an increased risk of low self-esteem and you may have difficulty forming healthy relationships. It can be difficult to break the negative beliefs and thought patterns created by emotional abuse, but a counselor or therapist can help make the process easier.^[12]
   
   • Look for a therapist who specializes in children or adults who are suffering abuse. During therapy you will share about your experiences as you become comfortable with the therapist. The therapist will ask questions and offer insights to help guide your sessions.
   • If you are a kid, find out if your school offers counseling services, or ask a trusted teacher or administrator to help you connect with a counselor. If you’re able to talk to a school counselor, you could say, "There have been problems at my house. My dad doesn't actually hit me, but he calls me names and puts me down in front of other family members. Can you please help me?"
   • If you are an adult, check to see what your health insurance will cover.
   • Many therapists accept out-of-pocket payments on a sliding scale.

[Edit]Getting Distance

1. Refuse to engage with verbal abuse. Don't stick around when they start abusing you. You are under no obligation to stay, call, visit, or otherwise expose yourself to abuse. Don't let your parents guilt you into thinking you need to take their bad treatment. You can stay around your siblings or friends. If you have older siblings, try to ask them for help, or even a younger sibling if they are mature and smart. Set boundaries and stick to them.
   
   • If you live away from home, stop coming over or calling if they abuse you.
   • If you live with them, retreat to your room or go to a friend's house if they are yelling at you or insulting you.
   • Set limits if you do stay in touch. Say, "I will call you once a week, but I will hang up if you say cruel things to me."
   • Keep in mind that you do not need to get involved in an argument if you do not want to. You don’t have to respond to what they say or try to defend yourself in any way.
2. Achieve financial independence. If you have the choice, don't live with an emotionally abusive parent, and don't give them any power over you. Abusers often try to maintain control by creating dependence. Earn your own money, make your own friends, and live on your own. Don't depend on abusive parents for anything.
   
   • Get an education if you can. You might look into how you can apply for federal student loans without your parents. This usually requires some type of documentation from a mental health professional stating that your parents were abusive.
   • Move out as soon as you are financially able.
   • If you can't afford to get through college without living with or relying on abusive parents financially, make sure to take care of yourself and draw boundaries.
3. Consider cutting ties. You may feel obligated to fulfill a notion of duty to your parents. However, if your parents have abused you, you might find it triggering to care for them when they have been emotionally abusive, especially if the abusive behavior has continued. Consider cutting ties if your relationship is more painful than it is loving.^[13]
   
   • You don't owe a debt of care to those who have abused you. You may struggle with feelings of guilt if you have to cut ties, but remember that you made this difficult choice for a good reason.
   • If community members do not understand why you have cut ties with your parents, you don't owe an explanation.
   • If you decide to become your parents’ caregiver at some point, focus your discussions only on their care. If they become verbally abusive or insulting, then leave right away to make it clear that you will not tolerate this type of behavior.
4. Protect your children if you have any. Do not put your kids through the same abuse that you were put through. If your parents say inappropriately critical or insulting things to your children, intervene. Either end the conversation or cut off visits.
   
   • You can end the conversation by saying, "We don't talk to Eli that way. If you have an issue with the way he eats, you can talk to me about it." Although most adult conversations should be conducted in private, it is important for your children to see and hear you protect them in the case of abuse.
   • Your children will likely have a happier childhood if they are not subjected to abuse by their grandparents.
   • Protecting your children also means not following your parents' example. There are plenty of positive parenting examples in the media and (hopefully) your coparent's family.

[Edit]Caring for Yourself

1. Dodge your abuser's triggers. You probably already recognize the “triggers” (things said or done) that really set your parents off. If you recognize them, it may be easier for you to either avoid them or get out of the way in time to dodge abuse. One way to do this is to talk with a friend or journal about it so that you can identify contributing factors to their abuse.
   
   • For instance, if your mother always yells at you when she has been drinking, try to get out of the house as soon as you see her with a bottle.
   • If your father tries to diminish your accomplishments when you've achieved something, refrain from telling him about your successes. Instead, tell people who support you.
2. Find safe places in your house. Find areas (such as your bedroom) that act as safe havens. Find another place to hang, get stuff done, and spend your time, such as a library or a friend's house. Not only can you get support from your friends at this time, but you're also away from your parents' accusations and scorn.
   
   • Although it is smart to protect yourself from the abuse, you also need to recognize that it's not your fault if you do get caught in it. No matter what you say or do, it is no excuse for a parent to abuse you emotionally.
3. Create a safety plan. Just because the abuse is not physical does mean it can't escalate. Develop a plan to keep yourself safe in case your parent's abuse turns physical and you think that your life is at risk.
   
   • A safety plan involves having a place to go that is secure, having someone to call for help, and knowing how to take legal action against your parent if it comes to that. You might sit down with another adult, like your school counselor, and put together a plan that helps you feel prepared in case of a crisis.^[14]
   • A safety plan may also involve keeping your cell phone charged and nearby at all times and your car keys on you.
4. Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself. Healthy self-esteem is the best antidote for emotional abuse. Unfortunately, people who have been emotionally abused often have a negative view of themselves, and they also often find themselves in relationships with emotionally abusive people. To fight low self-esteem, spend time around friends, non-abusive family members, and other people who build you up instead of tearing you down.^[15]
   
   • You can also build your self-esteem by participating in activities that you are good at. Take part in a sport or youth group at school or in your community. This will serve double-duty by making you feel better about yourself and getting you out of the house more.
5. Set personal boundaries with your parents. It’s your right to set boundaries in your relationships. If you feel safe doing so, sit down with your emotionally abusive parent and tell them which behaviors you’re comfortable with and which you’re not.^[16]
   
   • When you explain your boundaries, decide what the consequences will be if your parent ignores them. Certain kinds of abusers may not respect your personal limits. If this happens to you, don’t feel guilty about following through with your consequences.^[17] It is important to follow through with your consequences because making empty threats will only make you seem less credible to the abuser.
   • For example, you might say, “Mom, if you come home drunk and start bullying me again, I will go and live with Grandma. I want to stay with you, but your behavior frightens me.”
6. Learn stress management skills. No doubt about it – emotional abuse can generate a lot of stress, and sometimes it can cause long-term problems like PTSD and depression. Develop an arsenal to help you manage this stress with positive activities.^[18]
   
   • Healthy stress management habits like meditation, deep breathing, and yoga can help you feel calmer and more collected on a day-to-day basis. If your symptoms are severe, seeing a therapist can be a good way to learn how to manage your stress and other emotions.^[19]
7. Define and focus on your positive traits. No matter what an emotionally abusive parent might have told you, you are a worthwhile person with good qualities. Don't listen to their insults and ridicule. You may have to think on this for a while, but it’s important for you to build up your self-esteem and pour love into yourself—especially if you are not getting this from a parent.^[20]
   
   • Consider what you like about yourself–are you a good listener? Generous? Intelligent? Focus on the things you like about yourself, and remind yourself that you are worthy of love, respect, and care.
   • Be sure to engage in activities you are passionate about and/or good at to help boost your self-esteem and confidence.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Show Your Parents You Love Them
• Be Friends with Your Parents
• Deal With Mean Parents
• Deal With an Abusive Teacher
• Forgive an Abusive Parent

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/family-abuse.html
2. ↑ https://kidshelpphone.ca/get-info/family-abuse-what-it-is-and-how-to-identify-it/
3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2016/12/7-types-of-parental-abuse#1
4. ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/at-home/Pages/What-to-Know-about-Child-Abuse.aspx
5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/the-silent-treatment
6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent
7. ↑ http://www.pa-fsa.org/Parents-Caregivers/Preventing-Child-Abuse-Neglect/Discipline-Parenting-Styles-and-Abuse
8. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect.htm
9. ↑ http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/get-help/how-to-help-a-friend/
10. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/handle-abuse.html
11. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/handle-abuse.html#
12. ↑ https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/mentlhlth.pdf
13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202008/5-signs-its-time-cut-yourself-your-toxic-family
14. ↑ http://www.thehotline.org/help/path-to-safety/
15. ↑ https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/rebuilding-your-self-esteem-after-abuse#.V_4iYBZrjIU
16. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/traversing-the-inner-terrain/202201/healthy-boundaries-adult-children-toxic-parents
17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201808/12-clues-relationship-parent-is-toxic
18. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/about/copingwith-stresstips.html
19. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23800893
20. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/12942-fostering-a-positive-self-image

How to Reduce Unwanted Facial Hair

There are many ways you can remove or reduce unwanted facial hair. Many people struggle with this issue, especially due to hormonal changes. However, there are many remedies available for you, from natural ones you can do at home to more complicated procedures best done in a salon.

[Edit]Things You Should Know

• Drink 2 cups of spearmint tea daily. Spearmint tea lowers testosterone, which can reduce facial hair growth.
• Talk to a dermatologist about using a hair growth inhibitor cream. These creams can be applied to the face to reduce hair growth.
• Laser hair removal on your face can permanently destroy unwanted hair follicles.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Finding a Natural Remedy

1. Use a gelatin peel. You can make a gelatin face mask at home to remove unwanted facial hair. All you need is a tablespoon of unflavored gelatin, 2 to 3 tablespoons of milk, 3 to 4 drops of lime juice or 1 to 2 drops of lavender essential oil.
   
   • Mix the products together, then microwave them for about 15 seconds. Apply the mixture to your face, and let it sit for a few minutes. Then, peel it off.
   • Make sure you don't get the mixture near your eyebrows or eyes. When you peel the mask off, you should find that unwanted facial hair (and blackheads) come off with it.
2. Make a lemon/orange or apricot/honey scrub. Fruit-based scrubs can help you remove unwanted facial hair without the harshness of chemical products.
   
   • For the lemon/orange peel scrub, mix together 1 teaspoon each of powdered orange and lemon peel, ground almond, and oatmeal. Add 2 teaspoons of olive oil and 1 teaspoon of rose water. Mixing these items should create a paste. Put the paste on your face for about 5-8 minutes. Rub the paste into your skin with small circular movements. Then rinse your face with water. You will need to do this 2-3 times a week to see results.
   • For the apricot scrub, grind half a cup of dried apricots in a blender until it's a powder. Then add 1 teaspoon of honey. Apply to face for 5-10 minutes. Rub into skin with small circular movements, and then rinse with lukewarm water. You also need to use this scrub 2-3 times a week to see any difference.
3. Make a paste with Turmeric. Turmeric has been used for a long time in India to improve the look of the skin. You can make a homemade paste out of it. ^[1]
   
   • All you need is 1 to 2 teaspoons of Turmeric, and milk or water. Mix them into a paste. Put it on your face for 15 to 20 minutes. Let it dry. Then, wash it off with warm water.
   • This paste will work best for people with fine facial hair. If the hair is denser, you could add oatmeal to the paste.
4. Try an egg mask. Another natural remedy for removing facial hair can be made with eggs. You need 1 egg white, 1 tablespoon of sugar, and 1/2 tablespoon of cornflour.
   
   • Beat them together until it turns into a paste. Apply the paste to your face, and let it dry. It will turn into a thin mask.
   • Pull the mask off firmly, and you should see the hair come off with it.

[Edit]Preventing Facial Hair Growth

1. Drink spearmint tea. Spearmint tea affects the amount of male hormone in your body, so if you drink it enough, you might see less facial hair growth.
   
   • Studies published in scientific journals like Phytotherapy Research have found that women who drank spearmint tea reduced the amount of testosterone (male hormone) flowing through their blood streams. This reduction in testosterone led to less unwanted hair growth.
   • Consume 2 cups of spearmint teas for a minimum of 5 days per week. ^[2]
2. Although there's not much evidence of long-lasting effect, make a drink out of black cohosh herb. This herb slows down facial hair growth. In addition to turning it into tea, you can find it in capsule form. With any natural herbs, it's a good idea to check with your doctor first.
   
   • To make the tea, you need 20 grams of dry black cohosh root, 4 1/4 cups of water, and a teaspoon of honey. Boil the water and root, and then let it simmer for 30 minutes. Strain it.
   • Put the honey into the concoction. Drink three times a day. You will need to refrigerate the liquid. Higher dosages of the tea can cause side effects, and it shouldn't be used if you have liver disease or cancer, so it's best to see a doctor before you try this regimen.
3. Use a hair growth inhibitor. Visit your dermatologist to get a prescription for a hair inhibitor. Hair inhibitors are plant-based products that change the structure of hair follicles so that the hair grows thin and soft and eventually it does not grow at all.
   
   • Apply the cream to the areas of your face where you want to reduce hair growth. The cream will remain on your skin. Follow the instructions that accompany the product to determine frequency of use.
   • Hair growth inhibitors can be used in conjunction with other hair reduction methods such as threading, waxing and tweezing.
   • Results may take 4 to 6 months. It costs about $100 for a supply that will last you two months. ^[3]

[Edit]Using Chemicals to Remove Hair

1. Try waxing. You could either use an at home waxing kit or get the facial hair waxed away in a salon. Waxing removes hair from the root, so it's an effective way to get a smooth face. It irritates some people's skin, though. ^[4]
   
   • Warm wax should be applied to the desired area using the applicator that comes with the kit and then allowed to cool. Use your fingers to pull the cold wax off of your skin in the opposite direction of the hair growth. Regular waxing can reduce regrowth because this technique interrupts the development of hair follicles.
   • If your skin is sensitive to wax, you could try sugaring, which is a natural method similar to waxing. Add 2 cups of granulated sugar and 1/4 cup lemon juice to 1/4 cup water. Boil until it turns into a paste. It needs to simmer about 25 minutes and turn amber brown. Let it cool. Dust your skin with corn starch or baby powder. Apply the mixture in the opposite direction of hair growth. Put a rag on it, and then pull it off.
2. Use depilatories. Depilatories are chemical products that remove unwanted facial hair from the surface of the skin. The chemicals dissolve the hair into a gel-like substance.
   
   • Apply the depilatory to the skin. Leave the product on the skin based on the timing instructions that come with the product. Once the product has been on the skin for the required length of time, wipe it off of your skin with a clean cloth.
   • Hair regrows a few days after using a depilatory. Depilatories can be purchased across the counter. One problem with depilatories is that they have a strong chemical smell.
3. Try bleaching. Bleaching doesn't remove unwanted facial hair. However, it can make it harder to see. The trick is making sure the product matches your skin tone. ^[5]
   
   • If you have heavy hair growth, this is not a good solution for you. Bleaching regularly can irritate the skin. So you should test it out on a small patch of the skin before using it more heavily.
   • If you do bleach, stay out of the sun for at least an hour. If you don't, the skin could have a bad reaction.

[Edit]Removing Hair Physically

1. Use tweezers to reduce facial hair. This is one of the most common ways people remove facial hair. It works best when you don't have that much hair to remove. One or two dark hairs on the chin? Tweezing is the best way to go.
   
   • Sterilize the ends of the tweezers with rubbing alcohol before and after plucking to avoid infection. Stretch the skin gently around the area that you want to pluck. Grip the hair near the root, and then firmly pull the hair.
   • Plucking facial hair is inexpensive, but time consuming. It can also be painful and lead to ingrown hairs if the hair breaks off underneath the skin. You can avoid ingrown hairs by pulling the hair gently as opposed to yanking it out with the tweezers.
   • Hair regrowth after plucking can occur in 3 to 8 weeks.
2. Try a disposable or reusable razor for use in wet shaving. Disposable razors will give you a closer shave than an electric shaver, especially if you have a thick beard.^[6]Apply a shaving gel or foam to the chin or upper lip. Glide the razor across the skin in the direction that the hair grows.
   
   • You can also use an electric razor for wet or dry shaving. Be careful or you could cause small cuts. It can be hard to use a razor on some areas of the face, like the chin.
   • Hair regrowth after shaving is fast, though. Hair can return in anywhere from a few hours to a few days. ^[7]
3. Try threading. Threading is becoming an increasingly common way to remove facial hair. It's often used to shape the eyebrows, but people who do threading can also remove your facial hair with the procedure.
   
   • The cosmetologist will twist a cotton thread around the hairs on the desired area and then pull them out in rows.
   • One benefit of threading is that, unlike waxing, it doesn't inflame sensitive skin. The hair will grow back in a couple of weeks.
   • Some salons now offer threading. Look in the phone book or ask your favorite salon.
4. Use lasers. Laser hair treatments are very useful for getting rid of that unwanted hair.^[8] The laser gives off beams of heat and light to the roots of the hair and stops the hair from growing after a period of time.
   
   • To get the end result it will take 9 or more months but is much more worth it. It is more expensive at first, but in the end you save money. One of the downsides to laser hair treatment is that it can be very painful. A plus side is that it can permanently remove the hair.
   • You will probably need to go for repeated treatments to fully destroy the hair. Laser hair treatment works best on people with light skin and dark hair.
   • The face is a sensitive part of the body. It is more prone to infection.^[9]
   • So it is better to use laser hair removal instead of epilating facial hair.^[10]
5. Try electrolysis. Electrolysis should be done in the salon. This is a tedious process that is best for small areas of hair removal, such as above the lip.
   
   • Electrolysis is done with a small needle. An electric current is delivered into each hair root, one-by-one, permanently destroying the hair.
   • White or blonde hair can be removed with electrolysis, unlike laser treatment, which works better with darker hair and light skin. You will need to go for the treatments until the hair is destroyed.

[Edit]Video

[Edit]Warnings

• Test depilatories on a small area of your skin before applying it to larger areas to check for skin irritation. Depilatories also have a strong chemical odor; can burn the skin; and cause peeling, blisters and allergic reactions.
• Shaving can lead to ingrown hairs. It can also result in cuts to the skin. Use a shaving lotion or gel to reduce irritation.
• It can't be stressed enough: See a doctor if you think you have a hormonal imbalance.
• Waxing can be painful and may cause irritation and/or bleeding. Follow the directions provided with the home waxing kit you choose very carefully.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Pluck Facial Hair

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ http://www.rapidhomeremedies.com/remedies-for-unwanted-hair-removal.html
2. ↑ https://www.thehealthsite.com/beauty/6-effective-hair-removal-methods-to-get-rid-of-unwanted-facial-hair-143055/
3. ↑ http://www.prevention.com/beauty/skin-care/4-ways-remove-unwanted-facial-hair
4. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/01/facial-hair-removal_n_944886.html
5. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vU1-w7GS2c
6. ↑ Rivas, Marlon. Personal interview. 17 January 2020.
7. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/beauty/hair-removal/for-women-only-best-choices-for-hair-removal
8. ↑ [v161045_b01]. 12 June 2019.
9. ↑ [v161045_b01]. 12 June 2019.
10. ↑ [v161045_b01]. 12 June 2019.

How to Be Friendly

Friendly people are always excited to meet new people and appear approachable to friends and acquaintances. They are the kind of people who can just start chatting to a person on an airplane, in line at the drugstore, or when they're stuck on the bus. Sound hard? It doesn't have to be. Being friendly is all about making people feel comfortable in your orbit -- like you actually enjoy talking to them. So how do you pull it off?

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Being Approachable

1. Smile more. You don't have to give every person you see a huge grin to be friendlier. However, making a goal to smile at least 30% more on a daily basis, whether you're smiling at people you know, complete strangers, or acquaintances who cross your path, smiling will make you look like a much more approachable, friendly person. Remember when you passed that guy you met that one time and he looked in the other direction and pretended you didn't exist? How did that make you feel? If you want people to feel good about talking to you, then you should smile more at them.
   
   • You can also make a goal of smiling more during the course of a conversation.
   • Practice smiling every day, even when you’re by yourself. The act of smiling—even when you’re making yourself smile instead of doing it naturally—causes your brain to release feel-good chemicals and lifts your mood.^[1]
2. Have open body language. If you want people to feel like you're approachable and open to talking to them, then you have to master open body language. Here are the things that you can do to make people want to talk to you more:
   
   • Keep your legs together instead of crossed
   • Have good posture instead of slouching
   • Keep your arms at your sides instead of crossing them
   • Lean forward toward other people
3. Rid yourself of distractions. Another way to be friendlier is to notice everything that's going on around you instead of trying to beat the new level of Candy Crush on your iPhone. If you're tapping away at your phone, burying your nose in a book, staring at your computer, or even just picking at the paint on your fingernails, then people will think you have better things to do than to talk to them. Instead, look ahead, smile, and be ready for what the world has to offer you. You'll be surprised by how many more people think you're friendly and how quickly they come your way.
   
   • Tapping away at your cell phone is rude, especially when you're actively engaging in conversation with people.
4. Make eye contact. This is something you should work on whether you're just saying hi to a person who is walking by or talking to someone face-to-face. You don't have to stare into a person's eyes 100% of the time to be friendly, but you should work on making as much eye contact as possible when you're listening to people, so that they feel like you care about them and that they're actually worth your time. When it's your turn to talk, you can look around a bit more.
   
   • If you're walking down a hallway and it's just you and another person, why not look that person in the eyes and say hello instead of staring at the floor or pretending to be fascinated by your own fingernails?
5. Laugh easily. The ability to laugh easily is another trait of the friendly person. You don't have to laugh at everything a person says, or you may sound fake, but you should make an effort to laugh about 20% more, especially when people are trying to be funny, say something kind of funny, or just when you feel people need a boost of support and confidence. Laughing more will not only give your conversations more of a positive vibe, but the people around you -- even the people who are just walking by -- will see you as a friendlier person.
   
   • Laughing and smiling more? Now that's a potent combo.

[Edit]Mastering Friendly Conversation

1. Master small talk. Knowing how to make small talk will go a long way in making you friendlier. Maybe you have a hard time making small talk because you're too busy, distracted, or just shy. But it's not as hard as it sounds. All you have to do is make the person feel comfortable, find some common ground, and reveal a little bit about yourself. If you get more comfortable, then you can start digging deeper and discuss more personal issues.
   
   • Some people think that small talk is completely superficial, but it's not. All good friendships and relationships start out with a bit of small talk. You can't just jump in and talk to a new person about the meaning of life, can you?
   • You can even make small talk with the checkout person just to be nice. Make a comment about the weather, say something about the addicting tasty guacamole you're buying, or compliment that person's jewelry. It'll make you feel more positive and it'll make your day go by faster.
   • Just like any skill, it takes practice to get good at small talk. Make an effort to practice small talk as often as possible throughout your day. You might start by asking a question (“Have you read this book? Is it any good?”) or commenting on something in your environment (“Wow, the flowers are really blooming! I’m so glad it’s finally spring.”).
2. Ask people questions about themselves. If you want to be friendly, then you have to show a real interest in people. They have to see that you really care about who they are, what they think, and what they do. If you want to be friendly, then you have to ask people a variety of simple questions that show them you care. You shouldn't ask anything too personal or they might get offended, though; stick to some of the same topics first and move on from there once you know them better. Here are some great topics to try:^[2]
   
   • Pets
   • Favorite sports teams
   • Favorite hobbies
   • Favorite bands, books, or movies
   • Favorite food, drink
   • Siblings
   • Weekend trips
   • School or work
   • What they’re trying to achieve in life
   • Favorite vacations or where they would like to travel to
3. Compliment others. Complimenting people -- when you mean it -- will make you seem and feel like a much friendlier person. Just a small compliment given at the right time will make people think, "They’re really nice!" and will make them feel more comfortable and happy to be in your presence. You don't have to compliment anything too serious, especially at first, and you can just say something nice about the person's jewelry, outfit, haircut, or even say that the person has a great sense of humor.
   
   • When you're talking to someone, ask yourself, what's one awesome quality this person has that I would like to compliment? You should come up with one pretty quickly.
4. Use people's names when you talk to them. This is a simple yet effective trick to making people like you more and to seem friendlier. If you use people's names, you show them that you care about them and that you can really distinguish them as individuals. You don't have to overdo it to get the point across. Just saying, "Hi, Ellen!" when you greet the person, or saying, "You're completely right about that, Ashley," in the course of a conversation will make you seem like a friendlier person.
   
   • If a person you've just met tells you their name, using it once or twice throughout your conversation will make you remember it for next time.
5. Know when you're giving people the cold shoulder. Some people are unfriendly without even realizing it. If someone has given you a big "Hi!" and is approaching you while slowing down, this is because that person wants to talk to you; if you just say "hey," and keep walking, then you'll look rude. You may think that you're just giving off a neutral or a busy vibe, but that may often come off as unfriendly.
   
   • If you don't hold doors for people or smile at them when they smile at you, and avoid looking in the direction of people you don't know even if they're standing right next to you, then you'll look rude without even knowing it.
   • A little common courtesy and good manners can go a long way toward helping you connect with others. Just saying “thank you” or opening a door for someone can brighten their day or even lead to a friendly conversation.
6. Focus on the positive topics. When you are talking to people, try to stick to the uplifting stuff. Instead of complaining about work or school, talking about something bad that happened to you, or just generally being negative, mention something awesome that happened to you that week, something you're looking forward to, or even something funny you saw on TV. Talking about more positive topics will make you seem friendlier in everyday conversation because you'll seem like a fun, upbeat person that other people want to talk to.
   
   • You don't have to pretend to be someone else to avoid discussing unpleasant topics throughout the course of a conversation.
   • Try to avoid controversial topics, like religion or politics.
   • Sure, if something terrible happened to you or if you really feel like griping, go for it. But try to say at least 3 positive things for every 1 negative thing so you still seem like a positive person.
7. Open up. Part of being friendly is making yourself a little bit vulnerable and sharing something about yourself with others. You don't have to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets. Mentioning something slightly embarrassing, goofy, or just offbeat will have a winning effect on people and will make them think that you don't take yourself too seriously and that you're comfortable talking to other people. Here are some things you can open up about:
   
   • Childhood pets
   • Wacky vacations
   • A prank you played on your sibling
   • A funny mistake you made
   • Something you've always wanted to do
   • Your experience doing something offbeat for the first time
   • A story about your family

[Edit]Kicking Up Your Social Game

1. Make an effort to talk to new people. This is another cornerstone of being friendlier. You may be really shy, or you might just think that new people aren't worth your time. Well, that changes today! Start making conversation with strangers sitting next to you on the plane, people at parties, or friends of friends that you run into. Make sure you read the situation and that the person actually wants to talk to someone new, and then proceed with a big smile on your face.
   
   • You don't have to talk to every new person who comes your way, but the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll feel.
   • Introduce yourself to people you don't know. If you're in a group of friends and a new person who other people know comes on the scene, take the initiative.
2. Give more invitations. Part of being friendlier is showing that you want to spend more time with other people. How do you do that? You invite them to do stuff. Start small by inviting a group of people to a movie, a free concert, or to grab coffee or ice cream some time, and see how much friendlier you feel after they eagerly accept your invitation. Make a goal of inviting people to do more things with you at least once a week and you'll be living a friendlier life.^[3]
   
   • Get brave. Invite acquaintances to hang out one on one and turn your acquaintance into a real friendship.
   • Throw a party. Invite an eclectic crowd of people and have fun introducing them to each other.
3. Accept more invitations. Another way to be friendlier is to say yes when people ask you to do stuff. You may be afraid of hanging out with people you don't know that well, or you may be too busy. Maybe you just prefer to hang out with yourself, a bowl of Cherry Garcia ice cream, and Snookums, your pet ferret. But you have to get over all that if you want to be friendly. Start accepting people's invitations to go to the movies, dinner, or to a party.
   
   • You don't have to say yes to something that sounds completely horrible. But the next time you really want to say no, ask yourself what is behind your impulse. Are you afraid of something new? Socially anxious? Or just feeling lazy? These aren't the greatest reasons to miss out on a good time.
4. Have a bustling social life. If you want to be friendlier, then you have to spend more time with your friends. Spending more time around other people will make you be a more socially aware and sensitive person who is used to talking to other people. Try to fill your calendar with parties, social engagements, group hiking, biking, swimming trips, and other fun friend-filled outings if you want to be friendly more regularly.
   
   • To have a bustling social life, you have to make your social life a priority. Don't let work, school, or other commitments get in your way -- not too much, at least.
   • It's important to have a busy social life, but you should also save some time for yourself. You'll need to decompress, especially if you're not used to spending so much time around other people.
5. Practice being friendlier to people you don't like. This may be a tough pill to swallow. You don't have to become BFFs with your greatest enemy to work on being friendlier to people in your orbit -- whether it's your uptight math teacher, your crotchety uncle, or that kind-of quiet girl who is on the fringes of your social circle. You'll be surprised by how good you'll feel about being nicer to someone instead of giving them the cold shoulder, and that person may surprise with friendliness in return.
   
   • Make a list of 5 people that you have always treated sort of coldly. Find ways to be nice to each of these people -- even if you feel they don't deserve it. Forgiveness is a key quality to being friendlier. Holding grudges can make you angry on the inside, and that may affect your attitude on the outside.
6. Overcome your insecurities. Part of the reason that you may not be the friendliest person in the world might be that you're lacking confidence and think that people will judge you any time you open your mouth. Ask yourself what lies behind your distrust or coldness to other people and see if it has to do more with what you think of yourself. If that's the case, then work on loving the person you are, loving what you do, and addressing the flaws that need some work.
   
   • Of course, overcoming your insecurities can take years of hard work, but recognizing this as one of the sources of your problem with being friendly can make you be more willing to be nice to others. Remember that they may be just as insecure as you are, maybe more.
   • If your anxiety about social situations is so severe that it’s interfering with your daily life, you might benefit from talking to a counselor or other mental health professional.
7. Befriend people of your age and stage. "Age and stage" refers not only to the age of a person, but to the stage of life that person is in. A stage of life could be being a college student, being a young professional, being a middle-aged mother, or being an older person who spends more time alone. Finding people who are around your age and your stage will make you more likely to find time to hang out and will give you more things to talk about.
   
   • For example, if you're a young mother, join a young mothers group and you'll be on the way to making some amazing new friends.
8. Show a genuine interest in people. This is the key to not just looking friendly, but actually being a friendly person. A real friendly person actually cares about others and wants to make them feel comfortable. A real friendly person is concerned when others are upset and uplifted when others are happy; a real friendly person doesn't talk to people just to look cooler or to have more Facebook friends. If you really want to be friendly, then you have to remember this whenever you talk to people. If you actually care about them -- they will be able to tell.^[4][5]
   
   • Of course, you can't possibly take an interest in everyone in your orbit. But the more you try to be nice to people, the more natural it will feel.
   • Remember that being friendly has nothing to do with being fake. And that it has everything to do with being more approachable, treating people with respect, and giving off a positive energy.
9. Surround yourself with friendly people. It’s easier to be friendly when you spend time with friendly people. Not only will they model the kinds of behaviors that you want to emulate, but you may find that their positive energy and friendly attitudes are contagious!
   
   • When you are around friendly people, others will feel better about approaching you.
   • Being involved with unfriendly, intimidating or rude people makes others wary about approaching or talking to you. They may fear being confronted by those people, or they may simply assume that you are the same as them because you just hang out with them.

[Edit]Tips

• Don't be shy. Say hello to people you haven't talked to in a while. Just keep in touch; it will be appreciated.
• Look at yourself in the mirror and think positive thoughts about your appearance. If you like yourself, others will, too.
• Make a conscious decision to like people you meet. It will produce positive verbal and body language that will bring out the best in people. You will often find that other people are as friendly as you are.
• Don't be rude or insulting; remember to be kind and polite.
• Everyone has something they really love, be it a hobby, a pet, or a band. Try to find common interests with the people you meet.
• Be genuine and curious! Find their passion through open-ended questions.
• Try to be friendly to everyone, not just people you want to be friends with.

[Edit]Warnings

• If you are overly friendly, you could end up seeming just plain creepy. This will just scare people off and will make people have a negative first impression of you.
• Be careful with your sense of humor. A joke which seems funny to you may not be funny to everyone else. It's very easy to upset someone without realizing it. What you consider a joke or 'banter' can easily be offensive to someone else. This can cause you lots of problems in the work place or in other social settings, such as community club and school.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Be Nice
• Be Outgoing
• Make Friends

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201206/there-s-magic-in-your-smile
2. ↑ http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/rock-the-party-how-to-appear-friendly-and-approachable/
3. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/friendly
4. ↑ http://socialself.com/blog/how-to-be-more-friendly/
5. ↑ [v161075_b01]. 11 April 2019.